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I. Am. Seasons.

Written from a space of:  Deconstructing labels that no longer serve me

Photo by zero take on Unsplash

I wanted to remove the words good and bad from the dictionary.  To be more specific from my hearts vocabulary.

I felt that it was used to shame those who are considered bad, which created sadness to the point of no relief… from negative thoughts and mistaken beliefs

Affirmations teaches us to say I. AM. GOOD.

But for every yin there is a yang.  For every superhero there is a villain.  For every heaven there is a hell.  For every good there is a… bad.

I lived for the label “good.”

Wore the “Missy Goody Two Shoes” like a badge of honor until,

it became my achilles heel.  My alter uncaged ready to feel, life for the first time.

Took me one-hour to perform a five-minute task, just so I could make sure I covered all possible asks. Perfection, was my favorite game to play.  Sometimes still is.

I people pleased, so I wouldn’t poke the bear.  I was obsessed with self-help and became annoyingly hyper-aware to myself and those around me but apparently my subconscious felt differently and so, I continued the pursuit.

Loved to hear that I was someone’s favorite rhythm, which made it challenging to take kindness to constructive criticism. My wife knew all too well this imprisoned, state of mind.

I wished to perform like those who had my desired juice.  I lacked self-worth so I was always taking abuse after abuse after abuse.

I was exhausted and simply wanted to be me, but the women on both shoulders wouldn’t let me just be.  From this space of desperation I yearned to be free, to be released from this bondage and think highly of me.

So, I turned to nature to see myself through the lens of my Creator.  I am God’s Summer.

Why else would I have been born in June.  With a personality that is bright and glee.  Radiating light to everyone regardless of their personal preference to me.   

I bring a sense of joy and laidback energy.  For my true nature is harmony.  It’s because of God, my waves don’t cause ripples.

Soothing. nurturing to all, Tell me I’m not His Fall.

My comfort zone is no change, but I inevitably do.  Reflection isn’t always easy but told transformation is necessary, so I’ve put in the work.

I’ve become more and more refined, like a bottle of red wine, ready to fall onto solid ground, as I walk, into my intended purpose.

As His imperfectly perfect creature, I’m His favorite Winter.

An introvert who loves her cozy, quiet time alone, while I read, write, or meditate.  For when I mentally hibernate my creativity elevates.

Preparing to be His inspiration and wings, God calls me His Spring.

With a middle name of Mae, not much more to say, except all the trauma that has led me to who I am today, does not compare to His abundant grace.

God breathes new life into me daily so that I’m rejuvenated, ready…to validate my own unique rhythm and flow, at a pace, that’s steady and slow.

I blossom in honor of Him.  For He is the reason new affirmation is I. AM. SEASONS.

So yea, my heart can get on board with this, as it takes no effort on my part. I’m intricately me and will always be, God’s divine, fine work of art.

:Juanyta ~ with a ‘y’


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