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Prelude to My Future Memoir

Written from a space of: Sharing My Story

I was running, out of breath, sweat dripping down my face.

I had nowhere to go and nowhere to hide.

The words “You are selfish”, “You are a sinner”, “God is mad at you”, “God will never forgive you”, chased me until I could not run any further.

It grabbed on to my heart and made it its permanent dwelling place.

My world instantly became dark and cold.

Everything that I loved was fading away—my kids, my friends, my faith, my happiness, my joy. I tried to hold on to it.

My grip was firm but my palms were too sweaty.

My arms extended as far as it could go.

I could see it, I could feel it, I could hear it, slowly slip from my fingertips and it pained me.

My voice was frail as it whispered, “Please don’t go away, I need you!”

But it didn’t listen.

I walked for what felt like eternity.

My feeble legs started to tremble in defeat.

I was destitute and only bleakness and depression were my friends.

I couldn’t believe it, my complete existence collapsed right before my eyes.

Where was my weakened feet taking me anyway?

I thought about home, family, friends; oh to be comforted by them.

I heard the echo of my own voice as I yelled, "Help!"

It reverberated through every part of my body.

But no one answered.

How did I get here?

Where did I go wrong?

: Juanyta ~ with a ‘y’


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